10 Rules of Writing

OK, they are not really rules; just guidelines- observations really. And thoughts. And not very good ones either.

1) I will always think I suck when compared to the great ones. If I didn't, I need to hang it up, I'd be too cocky. They are great. I am not. When I'm dead, that's when I'll stop trying to be better.

2) Yes the first draft is always crap. Hemingway's rule actually, but see #1. I'll learn from the great ones.

3) Adverbs are like relatives. One at a time, spaced out well, and not seen too often is just fine. They are not evil, they just can be. Really.

4) Above all other things, I write best when I write. When I don't, it doesn't blow or anything, the writing just isn't; which is worse.

5) If it's important that the boy's eyes are blue, I'll tell you; otherwise, fill in whatever color you care to see.

6) I hate main characters that are writers. It seems so self-indulgent, so wishy, so pathetic. You're a writer, make the main character or any other charatcer for that matter, a plumber or something. Expand a little. Besides, when the story works out well for the pretend writer, it just makes me hate him or her.

7) I don't have an agent. Why? Because I'm still too dumb and too much a nobody to need one. When the time comes that I need one, I'll have one. Twain said that a banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Kind of like that. I'm waiting for my sunny day. (See #1)

8) I Love commas. A novice it makes me, I am sure. But I like them so. ,,,,,,,,, 

9) I don't care much for the eBook versus TreeBook argument. It's reading. We're already geeks and dorks. Choose your poison, or poisons, and enjoy it.  No one else cares.

10) Writing is fun. It's hard work, but it ain't digging no ditch. I really don't care too much for the martyr syndrome that seems to be attached to writing. Maybe when it was done with the quill and ink; but with a laptop, with music, tweets, and  cups of hot beverage of choice, it's pretty plush. Let's be honest, we're "working" on not working. "Writing is easy, all you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.” Gene Fowler 

I have more, but this is enough for now. I am sure these are quite enough for which to be mocked, argued, and later on for which to be embarrassed.