Thursday, August 31, 2006

It's In The Name

If you’re going to call it a Fat Boy, It better be a Fat Boy!

I speak of ice cream sandwiches of course. Fat Boy ice cream sandwiches are like ice cream sandwiches on steroids! They are about three times as thick as any other ice cream sandwich and are the equivalent to eating a bowl of ice cream with two cookies. They come in all kinds of flavors including seasonal flavors such as Egg Nog at Christmas time.

Fat Boys are the type of dessert that makes skinny people whine about how fattening they look and start searching for someone with which they can share it. For you real life Fat Boys out there, be warned. Even if you down the first one easily because it’s so good: don’t get cocky! The second one will get you. A Fat Boy Ice Cream sandwich is a Fat Boy and must be respected.

Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream has a similar name as one of their flavors: Chubby Hubby. Peanut butter, pretzels, and caramel all help this ice cream to live up to its name and inflict terror on people who weigh less than two swallows carrying a coconut. If you are faint of heart, you cannot handle this special food from the gods. Turn around and return to your Neapolitan. Chubby Hubby is a Fat Boy and must be respected.

So when I saw a hamburger joint advertising “Home of the Fat Boy”, my curiosity was peaked. A Fat Boy Hamburger! Now that sounded interesting! Being a Fat Boy myself, I had to see if this burger really lived up to the name. I was sorely disappointed. This was nothing but a home made quarter-pounder…with lettuce! Lettuce! Fat Boys don’t do fillers! This Fat Boy is not a Fat Boy and no respect is required.

So what makes a Fat Boy a Fat Boy? A Fat Boy must have size: size that awes at the first sight. A Fat Boy must bring joy to the soul, a feeling of being completely satisfied, and nothing left to be desired. A Fat Boy must not have fluff. No filler, just pure meat and potatoes. A Fat Boy is made of the things that all people desire, but most will not admit. A Fat Boy represents the best things in life, built up to an incomprehensible quantity; to border on waste, but a Fat Boy never would.

Say what you will about us Fat Boys. Deep down, we are what everyone truly wants. Some of us are just deeper than others and we must be respected.

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